psychology behind quitting instagram

This is a reflection on my social media presence throughout the years, things that made me quit and what it taught me about myself and other people. I won’t cover the dangers of doomscrolling or the degeneracy we see across modern social media — that’s a topic for another conversation. What I’ll do instead is analyse mechanisms that amplify ego-driven behaviour and overconsumption.

I will not say that Instagram or other platforms are inherently bad. I know people who build their businesses on IG, so sure, some people may find it useful. But I want to highlight psychological patterns social media can trigger and how it can turn out to be a great mirror for your own flaws, insecurities and weaknesses.

Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world
Miyamoto Musashi

Early days

Being born in 2000, I still remember days without internet, smartphones and social media. As kids we played outside for most of our free time. Spending evenings playing Sega Mega Drive or Dendy with friends was one of the most luxurious things we did.

In middle school, I started actively using VK and later, Instagram. Back then it felt like an extension of our offline social circle. In VK specifically you didn’t have “followers”, you had “friends”. Everyone could see other people’s saved music, videos, photos. It was a true social hub, where you could share your identity, your taste, your interests and hobbies. It felt true and authentic back then. At least to me, as I was still a child going to middle school in a small city.

In 2017 VK was banned in Ukraine. Slowly we quit using it. IG quickly became my main social media platform, where I still had my social connections from my hometown, school, university and random parties that were now called “followers” instead of “friends”.

Back in the 2010s it was fun. I shared my life, stupid memes and aesthetic photography with a small circle of people I knew personally. But something changed for me in the early 2020s.

Getting recognition

In 2019 I published my first articles on Medium, then in 2020 started a YouTube channel (~30k subs as of right now) where I posted educational content on backend development and the Golang programming language. It was getting traction — more and more people were subscribing and following me on IG. Slowly but surely I started posting content keeping in mind that I had a new audience, people I didn’t know personally, who followed me because they liked the stuff I did on YouTube. At the same time I was inspired by influencers and people who build their “personal brand” online, as this creates more opportunities for business and making money (if you do it right).

Alongside YT I started posting on a personal Telegram channel in 2020, where I wrote small articles sharing my expertise and stuff, mostly related to professional life.

Most of my audience were from Russia or other post-Soviet countries. The first wave of tension I felt during 2022, when the war in Ukraine started. To say that Feb 2022 was stressful is an understatement. I had to make a decision quickly:

• switch to Ukrainian (my native language, as I’m originally from Western Ukraine), gain more loyalty from my Ukrainian followers and people I know personally, but kill the connection with most non-Ukrainian followers
• continue to use Russian and lose loyalty from my Ukrainian followers and people I know personally, but keep my “personal brand” consistent and continue to monetise this audience through online courses on software development I sold back then.

That was a strategic and political decision I had to make rapidly, and I chose to use Ukrainian for my social media content from then on (later I changed my mind though and started using Russian again). Lots of people from Russia and other post-Soviet countries unsubscribed, I lost a good chunk of my following, but I didn’t really care. Why?

Because I cared more about “how will I be perceived by people I care about?” and those people turned out to be people I know personally, from Ukraine. At that time it was a general consensus among our citizens that “russian bad, ukrainian good”.

I optimised for external validation from my peers rather than for achieving strategic goals.

Ego is the enemy

That was the first time I reflected on the whole structure of my social media presence. Something that started as an ‘extension of my social circle’ had morphed into a platform where I became a ‘micro-influencer’ with ‘followers’. I transitioned from a personal profile to a media ‘persona’. Now I’m building a ‘personal brand’ that is tied to my income and business.

At the same time, I’m a guy in my early 20s, I want to prove I’m worth something, I want to boost my social status and be viewed as an important person. My content is seen by people who recently followed me from YouTube and, at the same time, by folks from my hometown, from my middle school. And back then — I really cared about how I looked in their eyes.

I started playing a status-seeking game. But it wasn’t analytical thinking with a calculated approach to achieve my goals. It was my immature ego that craved attention and validation.

It can be childish, immature, narcissistic. But it is the way it is.

I believe that our greatest strength is also our greatest weakness. I grew up with a single mother, started making good money early and got an audience that gave me attention and validation.

I got hooked.

The mechanics of Instagram and other social media platforms can give you that quickly. You share a post, get likes, comments, replies with fire emojis. You get that dopamine spike. You feel important. There is something very narcissistic about that whole mentality. And it’s strongly ego-driven.

Someone can ask “But what’s wrong with ego-driven behaviour? Most successful people are operating this way”. The problem is that you start optimising for protection, validation or inflation of your own self-image, instead of seeking the truth and achieving the best objective outcome.

It leads to wrong decisions, because you are optimising for the wrong thing.

If we dig deeper, we can find that what’s behind the ego-driven mentality is often insecurity that’s trying to protect itself. It stems from a fear of inadequacy.

Ego is often loud and insecure.

A genuinely confident person is comfortable being wrong because their self-worth isn’t tied to always being right or perfect.

The moment you recognize that your motivations and desires are ego-driven, that’s the moment you can grow as a man and become more mature.

Status games & consumption incentives

We all play status games, in one way or another. They are not inherently bad and can help you to achieve some objective goals you have. But not when your immature ego takes the lead.

Status games have a hierarchy. Some people are below you, others above. I started to look at those who were ‘higher’ in the hierarchy — more followers, more recognition, more status signaling, more material possessions — and compare myself with them, subconsciously.

A mature psyche with solid values can observe it and not be bothered. But an immature ego, playing that game, would always create the feeling that “you are not enough”.

This leads to more consumption — you want to buy stuff you don’t really need to impress people you don’t really know or care about.

You look at a guy who posts photos with a Porsche, and suddenly you realise that you also need a Porsche and your life sucks without it. You look at a fitness influencer with an insane physique and you think about doing a steroid cycle (that will most probably lead to another one, and within 10-15 years you don’t even notice how you’ve wrecked your health for some unrealistic body standards). Or you see some 19 y.o. kid who already sold his startup for $50M while you are almost burned out grinding on your own thing that’s not working yet and it makes you feel even more like shit.

That’s all ego-driven mentality. You are playing status games to boost your self-image and receive external validation.

I believe that no problems we face today are new or unique. People have already thought about them centuries before us. That’s why I like to study ancient teachings, to find answers and solutions for modern-day living.

If we take a step back to look into philosophies like Buddhism or Stoicism, we will find that growing consumption and a constant urge for more will never bring us peace and happiness. There is a concept called ‘Hedonic Treadmill’, where every new achievement or upgrade quickly becomes your new baseline. You achieve your goal and immediately you need a new one. You make some amount of money and you go for the next target. You buy a fancy car you dreamed of and within a week it already feels normal.

You quickly get used to stuff you were excited about at some point in the past. And to feel this excitement again, you need even more.

That’s exactly what the mechanics of status games, multiplied by social media algorithms, bring. How many followers will make you happy? How many more likes? Does it ever end? If you build your self-worth on this fragile foundation, your mood and confidence depend on how well your content performs and whether you got the attention you expected.

Other way around

Can we overcome our insecure ego and build a more solid foundation? What mental models should we use to see through that shallowness? Where do we find happiness and meaning?

Those are deep philosophical questions. I believe in what the Stoics called eudaimonia. Unlike modern ideas of happiness focused on temporary pleasure, it represents a lifelong state of deep fulfilment achieved through virtue, authentic self-actualization, and acting in alignment with your true purpose.

When you focus on your own excellence, on doing your job well even when nobody sees it, on doing good things to others just for the sake of it, without any need for an audience or validation — that’s where you grow as a man.

That’s how true confidence is built.

Connection with something more than yourself is also necessary. Call it God, Divine Spark, Source, The Whole — the naming here doesn’t matter. If you ever felt that connection, you already know what it means to you.

“The Tao that can be told, is not an eternal Tao”
Tao Te Ching

Being honest with myself

At some point I just started asking myself simple questions: “why am I doing it? why am I posting it? what exactly do I want to get from it? does it bring any value to others? who do I want to impress?”. During my personal growth, the image I’d built in previous years felt inauthentic and immature to me. And the content I shared started to look cringe.

I haven’t posted to my main YouTube channel since 2024. It started as a business project, continued as an ego-driven pursuit of status, that served no purpose for me or my development.

I archived my IG profile. Removed the app. Left it empty. No photos, no highlights, no posting, no scrolling.

Yesterday I did an experiment. Went through my archives, looked at my old posts and stories. I cringed a lot. Then unarchived the best photos and made them public on my profile. Looked at it all. And understood that I don’t even want to bother anymore.

Nothing dramatic happened. Just a realisation that I don’t need this form of self-expression online anymore to live a good, fulfilling life.

Instead of curating an image, I want to share more depth and meaning with others.

And that’s just the next phase in my personal journey, with more insights to find and lessons to learn.